Doulas, Reiki, Yoga, and Algea

So I normally don't even have time to blink after my days start during the week. This weekend we took on the overwhelming task of emptying our pool. We had 3-4 different kinds of algea calling our pool home and it was out of control. So we agreeded to dump it (eeekkk talk about carbon imprints) and start over. I'll spare you the details but it's filling up right now and looks about the same to me (BLEH!!!!!). But because we took on this huge project we have been lazy bums when we aren't out in the 115 degree heat working on the pool. This has given me the time to sit and surf the net. I have gotten back to my FAVORITE doula forum that I had forgetten how much I learn from those women. This had lead me to a lot of goals/classes that I would like to persue. I am looking at another doula training for october, there is a reiki training in Sedona I think in October as well, and then I found a new yoga studio. OK my brain is going everywhere right now!! LOL. Lets start from the top (or try at least). My cousin have joined a weight loss study (so it's free WOO HOO). The woman doing the studing is do it as a final credit hours to get her shrink degree. I am excited at this prospect but then also nervous about having to dig into what is keeping me fat (besides the food lol). I have realized this weekend that there are a lot of things that I don't do because I am fat. Either I don't think I will be able to do it, or I'm scared that if I'm not able to do it I will feel that it's because I'm fat. Oy who needs that kinds of presure??? I read a quote today and it went something like this: Everything happens in it's own season, if this is not the season for me to do the things I want, I'm at least going to plant a lot of seeds so I'll be ready when it is my season. So here I am planting seeds. I want to be a doula, I want to be a child birth educator, I want to help women and save them from the pain that I endured. I was meant to be a support to women and a healer. I feel that it is my calling, destiny, my reason. I feel like everything is falling into place to get me to that point. Sowing the seeds.......off I go. I need to get my office/craft room put together so that I can focus on it. There are so many powerfully strong women out there that I envy so much, they seem to have their shit together, but I'm getting there just keep sowing!!!! So the doula training and the reiki training (and maybe a little reiki healing) are putting me on that path and then the yoga.......well that one is kinda obvious isn't it?

Unhappiness

I find it a little dissturbing that less than a year and a half into my marriage that niether of us are happy. Where was the wrong turn at Albuquerque? My life was supposed to be different damnit!!!! My very good friend says that marriages like mine are the ones that stand the test of time because there isn't huge amounts of passion that fades. Well that's just great, so basically we are going to be miserable for the rest of our lives together? What the hell! I have found some more conversations between Eric and some online girl, but I'm not hurt this time. I think I'm just numb to it, he is going to do it no matter what why get upset about it? Is it that I really don't care or is it the circumstances of last weekend? I said just yesterday that I need a reset button for my life, but I want to keep my memories and knowledge and start over. What's so wrong about that?

OY

So my head was spinning with things to say. But per my life it took me 10ish minutes to get logged in and remember how to post and now most of it is gone lol. HOWEVER, there are a few tidbits I'd like to get off my chest. I am for whatever reason (birth order, circumstances, reincarnation, bad/iffy Karma) the peacemaker, helper of all to my family. It has been going on so long I don't remember a time when I didn't arrange everything, or drop everything for a family member. What is wrong with helping family, that is what family is for. You ask. Well I can't just help, I completely set aside everything, my home, my husband, and yes even my son at times and run to the aide of these people. Eric is constantly telling me "you always put them first..blup blup blup" and I always brushed it off. Well here is a perfect case in point. As some of you know the past two months I have been tormented with my cousins children while she was away getting medical treatment (a whole mess of blogs all by itself lol). Well the day she got home her house was spotless all the laundry was done, her children were bathed, and dinner was done 3 minutes after she got home. Her husband starts bitching about the cats peeing on the concrete (again a whole blog on it's own) and the empty fish tank now has plants in it..........aka I'm an ungratful ass and I'll complain later that I'm lactose intolerant and she dared make lasagna. So I leave a little down that my efforts have gone completely unoticed. And I get home and realize that there is laundry to be done, dishes to be washed, nothing thawed out for dinner, and I have hardly spent any time with my son. This was my light bulb moment. I HAVE been putting everyone ahead of my family all the while boasting myself to be this wonderful mother and wife. I am ashamed of myself and have recommited my self to the ones who need me the most.

optimistic

I always feel much more optimistic about things at night right before I go to bed. This morning feels like I might not make it through the day if I don't have my mt dew!!! HAHA I was reading somewhere, I think it was what to eat when you are expectng, that sugar, caffine and junk addicts should just quit cold turkey. These people have OBVIOUSLY not ever had a caffine withdrawl headache!!!! LOL. I'm off to have some breakfast and vitamns and MT DEW!!!

So here we go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So Eric has announced that he would like for me to be pregnant by the end of the year. Well I guess to him that SOUNDS reasonable. But he isn't 100+ pounds overwieght and HE normally does none of the cooking for the upcoming nonsence we call the holidays and he also does NONE of the shopping for the holiday presents. Oh yeah and by the way he thinks "Maybe it would be a good idea for you to get a job for the holidays". While I have NO problem helping out when needed, his timing has just been horrific lately. SO after a long talk with Cindy I am out to loose some weight on top of everything else lol. I am on a roll it has been 2 weeks since I have had ANY fast food, which is AMAZING for me. And I have incorporated more veggie meals into my menu and have tons more produce on my shopping list. I won't being weighing everyday, like she does. But I think once a week is good. I won't bring a scale into this house cause I would be on it all day, so once a week I will take myself to my moms and weigh myself. So that is all I have for tonight. I'll be updating soon!!!!